Men!

I'm Martha.

I know -- you thought I was a cartoon bride complete with cleavage and a frilly wedding dress. Not quite.

What I am is seriously hassled, very pregnant and elbows deep in wedding preparations. So a few days ago I took a little time off to go away for a mini-break with a couple of friends, Louise and Alice, who are also deep in this nuptials stuff -- and while I was gone, my dear groom and his buddies decide to take over the world.

Well, maybe not the world, but the blogs!

We started out wanting to share our excitement about our weddings, have a little fun with our friends, and in the process create a little game -- a nice friendly Brides' Contest in which we would offer three good books (our very own books!) to Anne's, Kate's and Liz's wonderful readers in the process -- and what happens?

Our MEN come along and decide to do something BIGGER!

As if BIGGER were automatically BETTER!

Do men have a size fixation or what? Honestly!

Are they all so insecure? I certainly never thought Theo was insecure. Men who have been named "world's sexiest sailor" (the international yacht racing variety, not the 'anchors aweigh' variety) -- as Theo was just last year -- generally speaking do not have anything to be insecure about.

And he certainly never acted insecure around me! No, indeed.

Maybe the upcoming wedding is making him nervous. I suppose he has his reasons. Pretty compelling reasons which I didn't know about before.

But I do now. There's a lot more to Theo than I ever imagined back when I met him on Santorini. I understand him a lot better now that we've been through -- well, all that we've been through.

And if it's possible to love him more now than I did seven months ago, I do.

I know he's getting anxious for the wedding to take place. So am I. It's been a long seven months.

I don't know how long Louise and Max and Alice and Domenico have been waiting, but I'm sure we all feel like it's been forever. It isn't easy for any of us.

You'd think we'd all get some sympathy from our authors -- Anne, Liz and Kate.

But they're all busy on new books. As if getting us to a happy ending is all they're required to do!

I suppose they are sympathetic . . . to a point. But they're not exactly helping. And when I pointed this out to Anne, she just offered me a cup of tea and patted my hand and said, "We're not exactly wedding planners, you know."

I know. Believe me, I know.

Check out my book. No wedding at all (well, not mine, anyway). I did get to go to my brother Elias's.

Anne planned that wedding. I reminded her about that. But she just nodded and said, "Yes, because it was important to your book." And I had to be satisfied with that.

"Don't worry. You'll be fine," she promised me. "You and Theo are made for each other. I knew that before you did. " (which she did because I was totally convinced I'd never see Theo again). "And you'll have a wonderful wedding," she went on, "because you are marrying the absolutely right man."

And she's right, of course.

But it's taking forever. And in the meantime Theo needs to chill. And he needs to stop threatening to give away his brother! George is a very nice guy. And Grooms' Contest or No Grooms' Contest, no one will be giving away George. I promise you that.

That's the trouble with sending Theo out to walk Ted. When he walks he gets ideas. And they are not necessarily the best ideas.

I speak from experience, you understand.

So I'm counting the days to the wedding. Anne is counting the days until she is sure Theo and I are happily married and out of her hair (and blog).

And you have 14 more days to enter the Brides' Contest. So if you haven't already done so, please do.

I'm sure that Theo will be back to remind you how much time you have left to enter the Grooms' Contest. Enter that, too. Get all your friends to enter. The busier Theo is counting and checking entries the less time he will have to . . . um, meddle.

Definitely a good thing.